Monday, March 19, 2012

beginning

I've weighed in, taken "before" pictures and now comes the blog.  

I started the Couch to 5k plan on Tuesday March 13th. 
I went to the doc Thursday March 15th and got the word that I have prediabetes.
Friday March 6th I got my official starting weight: 204.3 lbs.  
Next I went....  wait...  I'm sorry... 204.3 lbs?  STFU!

I had no idea I was that far.  At only 4'11" that is what they call morbidly obese.  I always thought that that couldn't be me, that term was reserved for fatties carting themselves around in a Hoverround.  I've never seen myself as that big, mostly because I refuse to see myself.  I look in mirrors to make sure my hair isn't crazy and that I don't have on mismatched clothing and that is it.  I don't mind being in photos so long as you never show them to me.  When I see myself I would think "oh crap I look huge in that photo" or when getting dressed I would think "I'll wear my clothes like this so they can't see that I'm fat" as if a cardigan ever had such powers.  What I get now is that I don't look fat.  I am fat.  That is so freaking empowering to say, to acknowledge.  Now I can start getting unfat because I've gotten the ignoring it out of the way.  ::phew::

I don't expect this to all be rainbows and lollipops all the time.
This is so much more for me than any one else.

Every day for the next 30 days I will write in this blog.  Good, bad or ugly.

Welcome to 204 and losing it.



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