Friday, July 20, 2012

128 - blarg

     Today I got my self up and out of the house at a reasonable time and headed over to Intimacy up in the Upper East Side and got myself a new sports bra.  
It's exactly my size and the support is out of this world, it also helps that it's purple.  It ran me $70 but it's worth every penny.  It's a little hard to get on by myself but I'm getting there.  

     For lunch I stopped at a place close to Intimacy called The Juice Press.  (I'm not going to link you directly to their site, though I wish I could, but malware has been detected on their site so for no just go with me on this one.)  It's a place that carries tons of premade juices that are all cold pressed on site. They also have yummy food.  I had an avocado sandwich that was just the best!  The juice I got was kale, cucumber, lemon, aloe, green algae and 1/10 Tbs pure sea salt.  It was pretty good but I don't think I shook it often enough as I was drinking because the end was very salty.  They have a predone juice cleans that you can do through them with the option of either 6 or eight juices a day.  Very cool and a really reasonable price.  After Insanity I am totally doing a juice cleans.  My ultimate goal would be 10 days but I would be happy with 3.

     Cardio Power and Resistance today kicked my butt and by that I mean I kicked my butt.  I still feel like I could have pushed myself to do more but I am really hitting something inside, subconscience level that I am having trouble pushing past.  I have been so mopey leading into all of these workouts and even though my body feels great when I am done (and I have recovered) mentally I'm just like Whatever dude.  I cried today again in my work out.  It was so strange.  I would like flat out sob to the point where I felt like I may hyperventilate and I would push and shout at myself and then it would subside and I'd be pushing though tears.  It ebbed and flowed like that though out a better part of the work out.  What was strange though was at the end of the workout I didn't feel like I had gotten it all out.  I think I am capping the crying and then not experiencing all the gobeldymash that I need to.  I know when your body goes though something traumatic it protects it self by blocking things off, making things so you don't remember and I kind of feel like that now.  My brain is walling off what ever it is that I am experiencing in my workout so when I go to do it again it's like I don't know what's coming and I have to fear it like it's something new.  I haven't quite figured out how to push past that because I know I can.  It isn't about being tough or any bs like that.  It's that I am a freaking meaning making machine and all that is really going on is that I am having a hard time with something that I have never done before and I will keep moving forward.  That's all.

     Well, that's all for today.  N and I went food shopping today so I hope to be back on a better eating schedule for tomorrow because I will have more good foods to eat.  Sleep tight lovelies.


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