Tuesday, July 31, 2012

day 140

     I though I was going much easier on myself today then yesterday until it actually came down to time to be working out.  I ended up having a good sob in the beginning of the work out.  N, like the amazing, loving, wonderful husband that he is came in to save me.  He sat with me and calmed me down.  We talked a lot about how I was feeling.  Embarrassment, sadness, self conscience, failure.  IT was so great to talk it all out.  

     After we talked I felt better and got in my work out.  I did what I could in the space I had and I'm complete with it.  It was so nice to go though the rest of my day with my work out already done and not have to think about it any more.  A big weight lifted off my shoulder.  

     I know that to someone that isn't, you know, in side my brain, this may all sound like I am suffering and I want to do my best to convey that I'm not.  Losing this weight is the single hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  Harder then school, harder then moving to NYC, harder then not always having a place set up to live in NYC, no kidding harder then anything.  This is all me.  There is no one else that can fight this fight but me.  All the words of support are so welcomed but really I am the only one doing this.  I am committed.  Losing all this weight is a battle.  I'm not just fighting the weight I am fighting why I put the weight on.  All the awful things I have ever said to myself come to the surface as I move through this process.  

     Ok.  So yea.  Sorry.  It's hard but I'm not stopping.  ;)

     Tomorrow I will be getting a visit from my bestie and her son.  I am so excited to see them!  Yay!  




  1. That's some real fighting you're doing there. And you're so right about fighting, not just in the actual fat/weight loss but why it was put on in the first place. Yup. So, so true.

    Keep fighting! You are strong and courageous!

  2. You are doing this! It's a fight, but you are persisting - that is the important thing. Commitment, determination, perseverance - you are there! Keep it up! I also am on my journey and have my ups and downs. I recently lost my fire and felt lost, but it's back and I'm on fire too! So, keep it up!

    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement & welcome to my blog!. You said it! Commitment, determination & perseverance! I joined your blog and look forward to following your journey :)

  3. you know i am very proud of what you are doing and how well your doing. but i also want you to know that i am very proud of N , thway way he is aways there for you in alot of ways . i am so glad he is part of the family!!!!!!!!