Friday, August 24, 2012

Day 163 - everything from the inside of my brain

     "I NEED TO CLEAR!"
 That shout is what starts some of my best work outs.  About 2 years ago I was in a program and one of the most incredible skills I learned was how to "get clear" or "be cleared." It's the simplest thing in the world yet it can be so easy to forget to clear.  When you have a task that you need to accomplish (for this example we'll use exercise) that you don't reeeeeaallly want to do you tend to have a bunch of toughts bounching around in your brain like: bah! w/e I don't want to do this. I havent been doing so hot so it isn't going to make a difference.  I haven't been feeling well so I should take it easy and really any number of things.  The idea is that if you try to do your task with all of that jumbeling around inside your brain, it make the task infinately harder to do and do well.  When you clear all you do let that person know that you want to clear and dump every thing in your brain out.  You SAY EVERYTHING that comes to your mind regardless of how stupid or awful or pointless it may seem.  All the other person does is say "ok, what else?" No judgement no defnce no advice, nothing.  They are just there to make sure you say E V E R Y T H I N G.  Then when you are sure you've gotten it all out.  You thank them, and you move on.  OMG I love it.  I just think it' the best.  Before my work out today I cleared with N and so much came up.  That I was so close to being done but felt like I was so far away from gaining anything.  Ugh.  After I was clear I still wanted something else.  I wanted something I could say to myself to help me though today's work out so I pulled out this amazing book that Mo gave me a while back, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I personally haven't read the whole thing but I should.  I use chapter 15, "The List" when I'm smart.  You look up your Problem and it give you the Probable Cause and a New Thought Pattern.  So for example I am getting a sty so I looked that up an it read Problem: Sty Probably Cause: Looking at life through angry eyes New Thought Pattern: I choose to see everyone and everything with joy & love.  That didn't really resonate with me so it also refrenced "eye problem" which was Not liking what you see in your own life New Thought Pattern: I now create a life I love to look at.  That hit me and hard.  I balled.  N had me put it on a post it on the TV while I worked out


I also then took a wild chance and looked for obese and found Overweight: Fear, need for protection. Running away from feelings. Insecurity, self-rejection. Seeking fulfillment.  That fucking hit home like nothing else I have ever read in my life.  I taped that new thought pattern to the TV too.  

Can I tell you that I rocked the shit out of this work out?  Like no kidding.  I killed it and sweat like I never have before.  I also made a post it note time hiding thing so I couldn't see how much longer the whole video was.

I don't think you can read that note, it reads "JUST RIGHT NOW"

My last and final kicker for a rocking work out was looking over to my bookshelf while was was powering through and thinking my lungs were going to jump out of my body was this little guy, peeking at me from over a pair of headphones.  


That tiny little guy back there is Jack Skelington from Nightmare Before Christmas.  I cannot even tell you how much I started to cry.  I LOVE Jack and Nightmare but I kinda put the kabash on showing it because I thought other people thought I was childish and strange for loving it so much but truth is when I saw Nightmare it was like finally seeing what things were like in my head in the world at large. It was dark and playful and a musical and so fucking awesome.  Jack reminds me of who I am at heart and I love it.  Jack is a seeker, someone who wants something more, something bigger and thinks he has to go searching for it, that it's someplace else.  What he learns is that it isn't, it's him.  He is the Pumpkin King and there ain't no screwing with that!  UGH I LOVE IT!


So this is officially my longest post ever and if you've made it all the way to the end of this post I applaud you.  The more of my weight I lose the more of myself I find and that is so scary.  I am so emotional.  I love to love things and be happy.  Apparently I love to sob too.  

I love and approve of myself.  
Fuck.
:)



1 comment:

  1. Barbara Kidd CalvanoAugust 24, 2012 at 10:57 AM

    Amazing work Denise! Clearing yourself is the most powerful thing a person can do....daily! That program we were in was good for teaching that technique. Louis Hay is absolutely fabulous! I've use that book for at least 25 years! Keep going!! I also do clearing (now chakras) and 'shielding' for myself daily, which gives me clarity, energy ad focus. Going into a workout with a blank slate (mind)is pretty powerful as it alows one to be totally present and connect to one's breath and body. That was a poswerful post young lady! Keep going!!

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