Thursday, August 30, 2012

not getting any easier

Isn't there supposed to be a point where things lighten up at least a little.
 Mentally mostly.  Once the mental part it out of the way the physical will follow.  I cleared with N, I cleared with mo and then I had to clear with N again.  I am EXHAUSTED before I even work out.  Is it just me?  Does the working out just happen for other people.  I stop constantly and my 50 minute work out turns into 2+ hours. For fuck's sake.

I have 11 days in Insanity.  I don't know that I can do it.  I am starting to legit feel Insane.  

Stopping and starting the work out and pushing and not pushing.  I don't know that I even make sense any more.  How is this 2 month workout program the hardest thing I have ever done in my life?  I mean really.  Fuck.  The whole weight loss process is hard but inside of that Insanity is INSANE.

I need to get to bed.  I think I need to add "In bed before midnight" to my check list for the day.  

11 more days of this program.  That's all.  


  1. Hi Denise!

    I've been following your blog for a while, and first off, I want to say congrats on all your hard work! Losing weight is no easy feat, and to that, I say your successes are to be commended :) You are awesome.

    That said, I felt really moved to comment on your lack of want to keep working out in the program you've chosen. I'm also in the process of losing weight, and to me, the key has been finding a form of exercise that I truly enjoy. And I think that goes for everyone, regardless of their goals. I know myself well enough to know that I don't enjoy working out in gyms on machines, or in my living room to work out dvds. I've tried those and for me, it just seemed like 'something I had to do' and a lot of hard work. I just don't like working out indoors, and that's okay. I think the best form of exercise is something that truly invigorates you, and you do it because it satisfies your soul. For me (and it took moving to Oregon to learn this about myself), it's hiking. Every day that I'm out on a trail inspires me and fuels me in an indescribable way. The days of the week I'm not hiking, I'm planning my next hike and researching trails constantly. To me, going out on a hike isn't something 'I have to do', it's something I truly look forward to and derive great pleasure from. It's always different, I love the beauty, and I love the experience. It's something good for my body that I cherish and enjoy and know I will keep enjoying for many years to come.

    I think perhaps you haven't found the type of activity that inspires you yet. Maybe play around with a bunch of different things. Then once you find your kick, exercise won't seem so tedious anymore, and you'll find yourself really looking forward to the activity and even desiring to excel at it. When I first started hiking I was only comfortable on easier, shorter, flatter trails, and now I thrive on the challenges of long trails and crazy terrain. It's all about what gets you going. And you're amazing. You have so much energy, I know that once you find the right outlet, you'll be unstoppable.

    So, that's my two cents. If this Insanity program is just sucking the life force from you and you aren't having fun doing it, of course you're going to feel frustrated and tired with it. You'll find what you love. This just doesn't happen to be it. And that's okay. Part of the journey is self-discovery. I have no doubt you'll soon discover the thing that really gets you going. And I'll look forward to hearing about it :)

    You rock, Denise. Keep your beautiful head up :)


  2. Hey-it's me, Lucy...and just want to say I'm behind you, in whatever road you take to find what you need to reach your goals. And you WILL reach them. You will.

    I don't get the exercise thing either....I really don't get it. If it makes me feel so good (and it does) then why don't I do it consistantly?? Is it that I don't care about myself enough to give the time needed? I don't think so.

    Somewhere, something is missing and I'm not sure what it is BUT I WILL find out! Right now I'm looking into supplements, the kind my body is supposed to have/make but doesn't. And ya, I know I "should" be getting those supplements from the food I eat but the reality is, I don't. ANyhoo=just wanted to throw my support at you! I still think you rock!

  3. Denise, do you work out alone? I find I can do that but when I want that extra push on a consistent level, I work out with a group! I use the group energy to pull me along and make it fun! I forget that I'm working out and end up feeling like it's just play. I do the 90 minute hot Bikram yoga 4-6 times a week. There's no way I could ever do that class by myself. Love ya!

  4. Totally know where you're coming from. I get like that too with my at home work out programs. After a while I just get so sick of it, I don't enjoy it, I don't want to do it. You've come so far and done such a wonderful job, but you do need to find something you LIKE to do.