Tuesday, September 4, 2012

176

     Wanna know something neat and a little TMI?
 Regardless I am going to tell you.  Today I went to Target to get some new undies because mine are all a bit big now.  I wasn't sure what size I'd need but knew my measurements.  Turns out I skipped right over Large and went straight for Medium as far as Hanes and Fruit of Loom are concerned.  So today I picked up two packs of medium underwear! AHHH!  YAY!!  

     Kelly was the one who inspired me to medium.  I know that sounds so strange but it's true.  I had only ever considered getting down to a size large and if I'm really honest all I could really think of was just getting away from having so many Xs in front of the L.  She said one day that she hit her very first size medium something and all of a sudden I was like oh holy shit.  I could so do medium.  And poof just like that my mind was open to so much more then just not fat.  I don't think I was ever a medium before and if I was I was way to embarrassed about my size and wore a size large.  I know that at one point in high school I wore a 9/10 but that was huge compared to most girl's size 4/5 (in my head.)  

     In high school I played field hockey for 4 years and swam for 2.  I was in pretty decent shape.  I didn't run real fast so I was a defender and I didn't swim too fast so I swam 2nd in relays and did the distance swimming.  I only ever considered that people were better then me because of their size.  Nothing else.  Didn't matter how much they had trained or how much longer they had been doing something, just that they were thinner.  I don't know what started that mind set for me but it's a clear memory from then and still something I find myself falling into now.  Aren't those things so weird, those points of view that you are so adamant about even though they do nothing but hold you back or have you feel like shit?  

     Don't know what took me off there.  Well, gotta food prep for tomorrow and then get to bed.

xoxo

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