Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Day 240

 Wow, am I sore from the Insanity fit test yesterday.
 I let it get to me.  I psyched myself out.  I didn't work out today.  I also don't feel bad about it. I have so stalled in this journey.  Top of the world, bottom of the barrel and everywhere in the middle.  I've accomplished so much.  

I tried on my puffy vest today.  I bought it 2 years ago in protest of a winter coat.  I adore it.  By the end of last year it was skin tight, I stopped wearing it.  I am happy to report that it is quite big on me.  It really is the little victories.  

What I am yearning for is the determination and discipline in which I used to work out.  I know it's a mind set and the things that you say to yourself and the way you think.  But there is something missing, the presence of which would make a difference...  I can't see it though.  I need coaching from someone other then my mother and husband.  I will bite off their heads if they give me more pep talks and I don't want to do that.  What I would really love is coaching from someone who has done this.  Lost lost of weight and knows what it's like to feel like every day, every meal and every work out, every good choice, every time you move the donuts away from you in the office, every time some one laughs and says it won't kill you to have one piece of candy, how that feels like peeling away your own skin.  Someone who has wanted something so badly for their whole life and does nothing but get in the way of that once things start looking good.  Of course I am stalled now.  Just outside of 40lbs.  Do you know what kind of responsibility comes with having lost that much weight?   To have to explain to yourself and others how you did it over and over again and to just wish you could hold your breath and click your heels together to get to the other side of the 40 more that are still up to loose.  

Yikes.  

Gotta back away from that.  

Everyday moving.  Everyday forward.

xoxo

2 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you're talking about. People just don't undersand that ONE candy ONE donut, just ONE bite can be the beginnings of a downward spiral for a lot of us who are having this problem. It's recently become my downfall. I thought I could handle going out an getting what I really wanted instead of the "safe" meal and as a result I have put on 8lbs in the last 3 weeks! It has been so hard to get back on track. Just know you are not alone, you can do this, I'm behind you 100%!

    ReplyDelete