Monday, December 31, 2012

Day 294 - New Year's Eve 2012 to 2013

      About to close the book here on 2012 but not with out one last go ahead, not with out one more thing that I've never done before.  
Tonight at 11:15pm N and I will be in Prospect Park participating in the Brooklyn NYE Run.  Due to my knee injury and recovery I am thinking there will be more walking than running and I am ok with that.  You know why?  Because I am worth the wait.  I am worth the recovery time.  I know myself as so much more worthy now than I ever have in my life.  That's what I learned in 2012.  I am so worth it.  I am worth every bit of food that I have agonized over, every work out I ever thought might kill me, every manicure or pedicure that may once have seemed frivolous, every single pound that I have let myself loose.  With every pound I give up one more reason, I wasn't worth the spit in my mouth, I gave up that feeling great wasn't for me, that being confident could only mean being conceded and that running was for other people.  

Did you know that the last time I did a packet pick up for a race I requested my race shirt in a size medium?  Did you know that 9 months ago I would have asked for a 1 or 2X just to play it safe?  

9 months ago I would have told you that maybe in 3 months I could complete 1 5k?  Do you know that by noon tomorrow I will have completed 3 within 18 days of one another, two of which are inside of 12 hour period.  

Did you know that my current weight, 159lbs, is a weight that I haven't been since at least my freshman year of college?  Did you know that just 9 months ago I was 204lbs?

Did you know that I used to dread getting new clothing because nothing ever fit correctly and I was gaining weight so quickly that I knew clothes wouldn't fit for more then a few months?  Do you know now that I hate trying on and buy clothes because in just a few weeks they may not fit and I would rather by workout gear and pay for race entry fees then buy clothing?

I don't know that I have ever grown so much in a short period of time.  I don't know that news ("You're blood sugar is high, not too high, but high.  You are pre-diabetic") has ever affected my life so profoundly.  Just like many things in life, I was ready, my body took over where my mind was holding me back and I stand here today 44.5lbs lighter, with over 7 inches gone from around my waist and 4 (soon to be 5!) 5k's in the books.  There are so many other things I could say.  So many other accomplishments, I could really write for days.  This blog has changed my life.  I have never been so open about something that plagued me and scared me so much.  I am so thankful for each and everyone of you that is reading it moves me to tears.  Your support and presence has made me whole and I don't know that I can ever thank you enough for that.  

My resolution this year?  
-To keep going.  
-To not stop.  
-One event every month.  
-A half marathon by October.  Down to 130 lbs.  
-To blow this mind bending year out of the water.  

xoxo

6 comments:

  1. great resolutions
    happy new year

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  2. Rock on girl. You officially weigh less than me. I am committed to losing 30lbs and 3 sizes by july. Thanks for the inspiration you provide

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  3. Whoop Whoop! Happy New Year and every success for the future! xx

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