Wednesday, May 1, 2013

5.1.13

That I am in a rut is sort of an understatement. I cannot seem to kick it. I worked out today. Did the Insanity Fit Test. I have my self lots of room to do what ever my body said was ok. I didn't care if I did 40 of something or 4. I did we'll. I sat out the suicide jumps (standing straight up and down, jump back into plank, jump back to full standing, repeat) because I felt light headed. Regardless of any of that what I learned was that I probably won't be able to do Insanity again. I don't think my quads and knee will allow it. That's a real fumbling bummer. I was looking forward to doing it again because of the drastic effect it had on my body when I did it the first time.

I still don't feel better yet. My knee still hurts on the inside and I don't know if it is always going to be like this now, but that really is what it feels like. I feel defeated. I feel like I should just be able to jump back into things and that really isn't the case.

I'm so incredibly thrilled that I passed the 50 lb weight loss mark but I cannot say that it made a big impact. I kind of Sony feel like I earned it. You know? I didn't actively work towards it. I just kinda didn't gain weight for a little while. I really don't know any more. My attitude about any of this stuff is just shit lately. I think I'm still living inside of a big thwarted expectation. Where I would be/should be now if I hadn't gotten hurt.

It's weird to me that the normal I want to get back to is the one where working out between 3 and 6 days a week was the norm. I'm lucky if I squeak out one lately. Not for lack of encouragement. There is just something that is missing for me.

Yesterday I got a Jawbone UP from work. It's like the nike fuel band but it tracks more stuff. I'm going to try it out for the next few days and if I hate it I'll bring it back.

Shout out to Mo! It's her birthday today. Love you lady.

xoxo

1 comment:

  1. I had a MAJOR back injury 3 years ago. Didn't think that I'd ever be able to do the things that I used to be able to do. But three years later i am actually probably in better shape than I was 10 years ago. You're driven and you've accomplished alot so far and I'm sure that you're going to accomplish tons more!! No need to feel defeated!!

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