Sunday, May 5, 2013

Weigh in - Day 418

155.2 lbs
+1 lb from last week
49.1 lbs total loss

     I wasn't shocked at all by my gain this week.  I didn't work for a loss and TOM started like 2 days ago.  

     What I really still cannot get over and really hope I never do get over is how great I feel in my body.  I have really seen myself so differently since that day at Spa Castle and the breakdown I had over the bathing suits.  I'm not saying at all that I have this perfect body image now, but I would say I am kind of close to it.  I look amazing.  Like no kidding.  I've also been experiencing a NSV lately that is just the freaking coolest.  When I have worn dresses lately, I have not worn any type of shorts under them.  My thighs do touch but they do not hurt when they rub against each other.  That has been scary but so freaking liberating.  I've worn shorts or tights under dresses my whole life, primarily as a comfort against self consciousness thing.  But then as the pounds packed on it was a practical thing too.  That kept my thighs from starting a thigh fire.  My thighs would rub together when I walked and I wanted to die at how uncomfortable I was.  But today N and I went out and walked down to Pier 6 and then all the way out to Brooklyn Bridge Park (the connecting path between them is finally complete!) and I wore an adorable purple dress (that I got as a hand me over from my old boss - thanks again!) and walked and walked and walked and no fires were started.  

When I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror I still see the same body I had before with curves and rolls and scars and stretch marks and dark hairs and light hairs and skin tone variations but now it seems so perfect to me.  It's a body that I have put so much love and effort into, it's a body that is capable and strong and doesn't have anything the matter with it.  Like really.  I can see, smell, feel and hear just fine, I can walk and run and jump without restraint, I can shout and talk and sing and digest and breathe there is hair on my head and nails on my fingers and toes.  It's mine, it doesn't look like anyone else's and I couldn't be more thankful for that.  I look like me, right now, because me tomorrow I could have purple hair or different clothes or have gone running or anything.  There aren't flaws I have to cover, because how could there be a flaw??  My me works.  I have skin and am human, perfect, let's move on.  It's quite freeing.  

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