Wednesday, August 28, 2013


noun - a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.

It's crazy how quickly it can come over you.  You make yourself feel insignificant in a heart beat and it can be really hard to pull your self back from it.  Thought my entire journey I have felt it on and off with other.  People have lost more weight then me, lost weight faster than me or lost more weight faster than me.  Today I experienced it for the first time with my running and I wasn't even running.  While at work I sheepishly participated in a conversation with two co-workers that are runners.  One has been competitively running since she was a child and the other has been running about as long as I have and this year she is training for the New York City Marathon.  And here I am wondering if I will ever really break 3 miles while I train to run 13.1.

Over the past few days I have really been wondering if I am even physically capable of running that far.  I mean holy hell.  I feel like when I see others that run distance that they are serious about it.  They have read the books and done all sorts of training and belong to different groups and I guess again I feel myself feeling alone and not knowing who to talk to about what I am experiencing.  I feel like I'm not disciplined the way that I ought to be and that if I wanted it as badly as I say that I do that I would just be that disciplined. 
While I understand that none of this is "real" that it's currently just something that I am experiencing it is kind of a bummer.

My run yesterday was kinda sucky.  I was on the treadmill for like less than 5 minutes and couldn't get a good rhythm going so I bailed and hit the elliptical.  2 miles was all I had to do (and did complete) but I didn't feel good after.  I think I'm still having a hang over from that.  Today should be my cross training day and I haven't been to the gym so it's an off day.  

No work at all tomorrow so I will either need to get out of the house right away or go with N in the evening once he's home from work.

Lastly, I know that there is nothing to envy about those other runners.  I really do get that.  I am where I am and that's it, there is no comparing.  Each person has there own journey, it just so happens that on my road today was that.


  1. well you still seem really in control of your thoughts... and I totally get what you mean... and I know you know this... but each person is different... some people are runners but might not be able to swim for more than 5 minutes...or some people are great at weights but can't run at all...just remember where you have come from...even if it takes 1 year to get there... you will have fought through everything to do it which is a much bigger achievement than someone who is naturally a good runner. xxxx

  2. You can run farther than I can, that's for sure! Er, sorry... I mean, it's not about comparing. ;)

    Either way, I think you're amazing!