Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Envy

Envy:
noun - a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.


It's crazy how quickly it can come over you.  You make yourself feel insignificant in a heart beat and it can be really hard to pull your self back from it.  Thought my entire journey I have felt it on and off with other.  People have lost more weight then me, lost weight faster than me or lost more weight faster than me.  Today I experienced it for the first time with my running and I wasn't even running.  While at work I sheepishly participated in a conversation with two co-workers that are runners.  One has been competitively running since she was a child and the other has been running about as long as I have and this year she is training for the New York City Marathon.  And here I am wondering if I will ever really break 3 miles while I train to run 13.1.

Over the past few days I have really been wondering if I am even physically capable of running that far.  I mean holy hell.  I feel like when I see others that run distance that they are serious about it.  They have read the books and done all sorts of training and belong to different groups and I guess again I feel myself feeling alone and not knowing who to talk to about what I am experiencing.  I feel like I'm not disciplined the way that I ought to be and that if I wanted it as badly as I say that I do that I would just be that disciplined. 
While I understand that none of this is "real" that it's currently just something that I am experiencing it is kind of a bummer.

My run yesterday was kinda sucky.  I was on the treadmill for like less than 5 minutes and couldn't get a good rhythm going so I bailed and hit the elliptical.  2 miles was all I had to do (and did complete) but I didn't feel good after.  I think I'm still having a hang over from that.  Today should be my cross training day and I haven't been to the gym so it's an off day.  

No work at all tomorrow so I will either need to get out of the house right away or go with N in the evening once he's home from work.

Lastly, I know that there is nothing to envy about those other runners.  I really do get that.  I am where I am and that's it, there is no comparing.  Each person has there own journey, it just so happens that on my road today was that.

2 comments:

  1. well you still seem really in control of your thoughts... and I totally get what you mean... and I know you know this... but each person is different... some people are runners but might not be able to swim for more than 5 minutes...or some people are great at weights but can't run at all...just remember where you have come from...even if it takes 1 year to get there... you will have fought through everything to do it which is a much bigger achievement than someone who is naturally a good runner. xxxx

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  2. You can run farther than I can, that's for sure! Er, sorry... I mean, it's not about comparing. ;)

    Either way, I think you're amazing!

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