Sunday, September 22, 2013

weigh in

156.6



That's my highest weight gain to date.  I went up 2.4 lbs this week.  For me, that's big and just plain sloppy.  I know that this week was CRZY.  I worked an exorbitant amount of hours, an overnight shift, launched a new product.  I've been stressed though eating fairly enough, but I only worked out the first few days of this week.  I slept very irregularly and consumed entirely too much coffee and so not enough water.  Like whoa, I sure earned those pounds.  

Also I think the attitude I set up for myself last Sunday may have been to blasé.  I do still want those things but I am some one who has to WORK if I want the weight to come off.  Ugh.  Super frustrating. 

I just looked back over my weigh ins and its kinda sad.  I'd been moving with a good tick for so long but I have been in the 150s since January.  I know "maintance" is good and all but it feels a lot like being on a suck hamster wheel.  All the work I do has been getting undone so I have seen NO PROGRESS in 8 months.  I am currently only 3 lbs lighter than I was in December of LAST YEAR.  What the fuck is my problem??  I really feel like I need to shit or get off the pot at this point and currently I want to walk away from the pot all together.  

I have to say I am really sad that I am going to be fitting in the same clothing did last year.  I'm mad that I've lost so much steam and that there doesn't seem to be anything making a difference for my any more.  

What's been worse is that lately I've felt fat.  And really, go with me on this, because I know you've been there so I'm not being hard on my self.  I actually experience feeling heavy, weighted down, soft thought the middle and full all the time.  It isn't about the way that I look in ANY WAY.  It's about my insides actually feeling fat and kinda gross.   

I don't have an answer or anything for this really so I'm not just going to make one up, that would be stupid.  What I do know is that when I get here it usually means that something is coming, something to give me a boost, so for now I will sit tight and let the world deliver.  
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N and I rented a zipcar today and drove upstate to go apple picking!  The farm we went to had so much more than apples though.  We got apples, grapes, plums, tomatoes, pumpkins and even BBQ sauce [homemade on the farm with apples, duh!!]  It was a really incredible day.  On the way home we stopped at another farm stand so we could get all the ingredients to turn some of those tomatoes in to salsa which I made tonight in the blender.  So freaking great!  I will be making apple butter in the crockpot tomorrow or the day after.  Such a cool experience and great way to kick off fall.  

1 comment:

  1. Don't get discouraged! Look at how far you've come!! I totally get what you're saying though. I gained some weight back that I had lost and now I'm just totally feeling like I can't do any more. I've hit my limit and so I may as well give up. But we can do it. You and I are both strong, awesome women who are doing it for all the right reasons. So I know it's frustrating, and I know you're feeling down, but just look at the amazing strides you've taken and know you can keep going if you want to. If you WANT to. If YOU want to. Y'know what I'm saying? My advice on how? Spice up the workouts. Try something new. Jumpstart this next chapter. And be proud of how far you've come!

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