Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Wednesday night

Got in a small jog. More like a fast walk. The voices inside were so strong tonight. The you cant's & this hurts and you're fat and heavy and a failure were loud and clear. 

What breaks my heart more and makes me feel worse is the sadness it creates in N. He loves me so much an wants so much for me and I'm just so hateful with myself. 


  1. I'm really sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. Sometimes there are emotional battles that have to be done with a professional ear. I wished for years my parents let me go to the therapist but in the Asian community, that was frowned upon.

    I really hope things look up for you and hope that these don't sound empty words to you. I wish the best for you.

  2. I don't know what's going through your mind, but I do know you sound distressed and beaten.

    I also know that even the strongest athletes (like Olympic-level athletes) feel like they just can't go on any longer. I've been following your blog for a while now, and with each post I've had the joy of reading, I've silently rooted for how strong (even if it's only mentally, or in determination) you're growing. And I just want to tell you that where there is weakness, there is a chance for strength. And just like safire mentioned above, often times we face battles that are best faced alongside someone else---professional or not.

    This is the time to recollect yourself, remind yourself that the only way to get stronger is to get through the smaller challenges, and reassure yourself that you've come this why not go the rest of the way? :)

    I truly hope you can find yourself and your path, and once again share the success you so much deserve. Best wishes, God bless, and (again, as safire said) I hope these words aren't empty to you.