Sunday, June 22, 2014

the move

I have to say I feel like a total fraud for even coming back and writing one single word.  My life is different now from when I was keeping this blog originally and I don't think I have yet forgiven my self or given myself the permission to write anything, just anything.

My well-being is a different story than it used to be.  I was very driven, very hard core and there was no freedom.  I was happy with my body, so happy with my body but it was a lifestyle I could not maintain.  What I want now is to maintain.  Maintain life. And there is so much more to life than losing weight and working out and watching everything I eat.  What I want now, what I need more now than ever is balance.  I need to not let myself fall into the place where all I can do or think about it working more hours and making more money or working out so much and agonizing over my food that I cannot go out with friends.  Balance.

June 1st I moved.  I moved from an apartment that I'd lived in for 4 years with N, our first home together, the longest I've lived in one place since moving to NYC.  From Boerum Hill to Park Slope.  I moved in with friends.  I acquired roommates, MB & SB, two of the loveliest people that I have had the pleasure of being friends with.  They challenged my way of thinking, that when you're married you live alone and that's that.  I moved in with friends and in the past 22 days, I have had more fun, had fewer bouts of depression and am way less lazy.

One of the largest contributors to this has been all there is to do in our new place.  We have SO MUCH SPACE we have no idea what to do with it all.  We're still getting moved in and working out all of the space.

What I have fallen in love with the most is the outdoor space we have.  There's a garden here.  If I was smart I would have taken a before picture.  It was all over grown and out of control.  It's still like that in some places, but not everywhere.  I've got flowers and edibles.  I'm kind of obsessed.  There is also a bench along the front of our place that I have been refinishing.

It feels so good to throw myself into something besides recovery and work.  I think I'm in a better place mentally lately.  There are still lots of lows that are hard to work out of but my love for the garden and this new place really help occupy my otherwise.

 

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